I am afraid

of the fracture of the mind,

that I might see

parts of myself lie shattered

at my feet.

March 30, 2023

I will never meet you face to face,

for you live only in the balance of the stars,

you flow through my veins

and spark across the synapses

of brain cells –

you are the movement of the bee

from flower to flower,

you are the mystery

of words upon a page.

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I want to give myself to the night sky

with its distant galaxies,

I want to kneel at the feet of the universe.

Anthurium

Anthurium’s bold leaves

stand tall against the light.

Winter Afternoon

Thinking back to my childhood,

when I still took sugar in my tea.

Myself at the kitchen table,

a hot cup of tea,

talking with mum after school –

memory rich with warmth and light.

Winter Afternoon (Res Mirabile)

There is something I need to understand –

all day I have felt the weight of wanting

as I walked through the snow,

drank tea,

tried to rest –

seeking that larger truth

that hides within itself

smaller truths – .

Why do we live?

Why do we die?

why do cats like to hide in bags?

Why did the delivery man

leave my package on the steps?

My cat purrs,

the furnace hums in tune,

my crochet hook weaves questions

through and through.

Just Before Morning

I don’t want to step into this sadness –

January sadness, winter sadness –

my cat tries to warm me.

Within my hands

his little heart beats steadily.

Hitchhiker

There’s a pulsing lump of emotion caught in my chest –

I wish I could cough it up like a hairball,

but I can’t even put a name to it –

some species of pain, that is all,

an energy.

/I have to trust that this space exists,

far from matters of bile and bowel,

where words gather themselves into thoughts,,

and fragments of mind music

rise to the vault of the skies.

there is no key –

entrance is granted

only by permission.

When my body forgets to breathe,

and my legs lose their power,

then I will rest in the cocoon of my mind

as winter holds me in its close embrace.