I believe we all come to a time in our lives when we look around, try to see where we have come from, and where we are going. Have we accomplished what we wanted to? Would that hopeful child that we once were be satisfied? Often we want to simplify our lives, to downsize to a smaller place, pare down our possessions. We are searching for a way to interpret what we feel, even though we don’t quite understand it.
I am feeling this way now. Many of you know that I have had periods of extreme anxiety and depression throughout most of my life. I am beginning to learn that it is very human to be anxious or to be depressed. It is part of the cycle of our lives, and when it becomes extreme I sometimes have to go into hospital to get myself “sorted out”.
Now, looking at the accumulation of my life, this is what I am going to discard. The first thing to go will be shame. I will no longer feel ashamed for emotions that are only too human. I am not going to be ashamed that there are times when I can’t manage, when I need to ask for extra help. Next on the discard pile will be regret – whatever I did, I did, whatever I didn’t get done, I didn’t. That is where life took me, and it hasn’t been such a bad journey, after all. That critical woman who lives inside me has been given her marching papers, I’m afraid. Her suitcase is packed and waiting at the door. All that extra baggage that she brought along with her has been taken to the dump – it won’t be recycled, as I don’t wish it upon anyone else in any form. All those stacks of other people’s opinions, just like piles of old newspapers, can go into the trash. If I want to paint my room lavender, I will. If I want to play Candy Crush at four in the morning, I will.
I am satisfied that I have all that I need to live well. I don’t need more “stuff” to make my life better.
You are probably full of questions about all of this, but I might not have time to answer them – after all, I am busy cleaning house.